Summer time!!!!

Whiskeytown
Tanned skin
Long nights
Good friends
New friends
SUNSHINE!!!
I love, love, love summer!!! You work hard all year in school, and the payoff it three sweet months of bliss. This summer started out with a bang and I know it's going to be one to remember. I'm one happy girl :D

I will wait.

My husband exists on this planet. He is walking, breathing, living, praising. He sees the same moon that I look at every night. He is learning to be more and more like You.
I know this because You have confirmed to me that I will be married one day. I will joined with the perfect man and our blessings will be abundant.
So, until then, I will be faithful.
I will guard my heart.
I will be careful with my actions.
I will be loving.
I will pray.
I will be all that he desires his wife to be.
And most importantly, I will wait for him.

Come away with me.

So, it's been some time since I've blogged last and I figured I should. Here is goes:

Spring break is the week after next. Where the heck has this year gone?! I'm in the 9th week of school and there are 6 weeks left (not counting finals week or Spring break). This semester is seriously flying by!

So, I reread my last blog and as sad as I am to admit, it has been partly true. My first 7 or so weeks at this school were awful! I actually did cry at least twice a week, I hated waking up every day to the same routine. Don't get me wrong, I love my classes! My professors are fascinating and my classes are, for the most part, really interesting. It was the social part that I had an issue with. I was missing my friends and church more than I ever thought I could miss them! I wasn't making friends as easily or fast as I thought I was going to. It was just not what I was expecting at all! I wasn't happy. I wasn't myself. As I was telling people, I was about 10% of who I really am. I was quiet, hardly laughed, smiled but it didn't mean much, and just wasn't being "Andrea." I was on the verge of changing schools. I just couldn't see myself graduating from this school. Of course, I didn't tell anyone this... I was planning on making an escape (haha). It was such an internal struggle for me since I really felt like God let me here. He cleared the path of all obstacles. But I wasn't happy. Doesn't God want me to happy? Why would He put me in this place where I felt so miserable?

A few weeks ago, Cassie and Marty came to visit me and we spent the day shopping at Ikea and Arden Fair Mall. It was a really fun day and it felt good to have familiar faces around me. Just before they left to go back to Redding, we all prayed for one another. It is so incredible how God moves when 2 or more women (and men, also) gather together and pray. Words of truth and encouragement were spoken. Toward the end of the prayer, Marty looked at me and said, "God wants you to tell you not to quit. Don't leave the path that He has you on." I just broke down crying... He heard my cries and saved my tears in a bottle. God is so good!

This past weekend I had to go home. I lost my retainer and since I'm so prideful of my teeth, I don't want them to shift at all. I got to see some of my friends and got to go to The Stirring which I'm always stoked about! Aaron Hayes spoke about how God prepares us and leads us to valleys. I don't remember many of the other details but the part I do remember is the last song that was played. I'd never heard this song before but it spoke to me on two different things. It was called Dance With Me (Lover of My Soul). "The winter is past and the spring time has come." I heard God say, "the hard part is over." I began to weep. The hard part was over... joy will flow back into me. I feel like I've waited such a long time for this moment and it was finally here!

The other thing God spoke to me about was just as important, I think. "Dance with me, oh lover of my soul to the song of all songs. Romance me, Lord, lover of my soul to the song of all songs." I began to realize that I wasn't allowing Jesus to romance me. I wasn't allowing Him to be the one I fall in love with. I was waiting for someone else... someone tangible. It broke my heart. I was rejecting Jesus. Again, I began to cry and ask for forgiveness. I proclaimed my need to for Him... out loud on my knees... which I have never done before. It was so powerful. It's amazing how God answers our prayers when we are least expecting it. He is such a good Father!

I'm Freakin' Out!

2 weeks from today I will have completed my 2nd day (and beginning my 3rd) at William Jessup University. Everything I've been working toward the past 15 years is paying off. I'm starting my upper division coursework. It's all real now. I'm preparing myself for my career and I'm taking the next step in my journey.

I'm terrified.

I've lived in Redding the past 7.5 years (minus the 6 month detour to Florida). That's the longest I've ever lived in one town. I lived in my apartment for 4 years. That's the longest I've ever lived in one residence. I've created friendships that will last forever. I've found my home at The Stirring. And now I'm leaving. Yeah, yeah, it's only to Sacramento but it's not here. It's not where I feel most at home. Like I said, I'm terrified.

What if I don't make friends? What if I hate it? What if I end up crying myself to sleep every night? I know most people think it's really easy for me to adjust to a new place and that may be true but it's still the worst feeling walking into a new environment where you don't know anyone. I've had to do it countless times and it doesn't get any easier.

This is going to be tough.

Still Figuring It Out.

I think God may have put a new passion in my heart. It's a different one that I don't think many have. I need to look into this more!

God's Love.

"...I will love God because He first loved me. I will obey God because I love God. But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love Him in return, and I cannot obey Him. Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will. The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey Him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not like her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love." -Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller

Accepting the love of God. Actually believing, and not just knowing, that He can never love me any less or any more than He does right this minute. Believing that know no matter what I have done or what I will do in the future, the Creator of universe will never change His mind about me, completely flawed and imperfect. I believe this is one of the hardest things to accept when coming into a life with Jesus Christ. How can one even begin to fathom the immensity of His unconditional love let alone accept it?

I am deeply convicted of this. It is something that I have struggled with for a really long time. How can the Creator of all eternity be so in love with me? I am a sinner. I make mistakes. I put worldly things, and myself, before Him. But then I realize that I am human. God knows the world of which we live. A broken, fallen world. He wants to save us, He wants to heal us, He wants to protect us. All because of His love. We don't have to do anything in order for Him to do these things.

I love God. That's pretty obvious. But I never realized that I could not really love Him without accepting His love in return. Of course, this was always said to me but I never truly understood it.

God is pursuing me every single day. I think back to when I didn't know who He was (at least not the way I know Him now) and I see how He was calling me to Him. When I was bitter and angry, He was still chasing me with His arms wide open ready to catch me. He constantly shows me His love. There came a point where I just stopped fighting it. I guess you could say I caved. I accepted that God will never stop loving me and never stop pursuing me. Now, I embrace it. I crave it. When one accepts the love of God, the hole is filled, the thirst is quenched, and the hunger is fulfilled.

Thank you, Father!